If you like turning tens of thousands of times without covering very much ground, then Stage 0 of the Tour of Ohio is the criterium for you.  The first thing that Daley, Hickman, myself, and travel buddy Tomasz Boba of WDT did when we got to the course was start to walk it.  Ten seconds later, we had finished walking it, and started making comments.  Daley:  "That's it, I'm throwing my toys out of the playpen!"

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We call it a "playpen" because of its size.  The course consisted of nine turns, .4 miles of pavement, and .1 miles of wavy--no, rolling, uneven brick on a narrow street which was led into by an off-camber turn coming off a downhill.  And since we are whiny like babies we figured calling it something cool and manly like "the boxing ring" or the "UFC octagon" was inappropriate.  This course was, in word, "technical," because, technically, it sucked.

We all fought for our starting positions, which pretty much meant that Hickman and I were in the back row mumbling about whatever it is we mumble about.  Luckily, the officials made everyone take a warmup lap, which I saw as a golden opportunity to move up in the starting position.  So I took off.  Unfortunately, the officials' definition of "everybody" apparently is "only some people" so that plan backfired and Hickman and I ended up further back.  Luckily, the officials made another announcement, sure to motivate the bejezzus out of any Cat 1-3 cyclist to close the inevitable crit gaps.  They said that only first through third places would count for GC, and that everyone else, even if you ended up getting pulled, would be put as the same time as 4th place.  So if you care about GC, you just don't clip in, and sit there on the start line until they pull you.  But I didn't come here for GC.  I came here to race like a total punk by diving the most dangerous turn each lap, and winding up losing the sprint for 61st.

The race started, and I began to execute my strategy.  I have no idea where Hickman and Daley ended up because I just was going as fast as I could.  Turn sprint turn sprint turn turn turn dodge bottle on the bricks turn turn turn turn turn sprint turn okay, lap one done (and that is an accurate simulation).  I just rode around in what I thought was the main field, until the officials pulled my group of about 50 riders.  I had ridden 5 miles, or 32 laps.  I think Hickman got pulled with me.  Daley made the split (apparently there was a split, but I couldn't see that far up the race since you could only see 10 riders at a time on any given straightaway).  His group got pulled a bit later.  Tomasz made it almost the entire way.  In all, 33 riders were NOT pulled.  Out of about 120.  However, I was tied for 4th on GC.  That's the closest I've come to the lead in a stage race that had already started.